February 16, 2012

Always in my heart

Nine years ago today I lost a piece of my heart.  It breaks my heart to not have Nanny with me and I still think about her every. single. day.  She had such an impact on my life, who she was and how she was.  I'll never forget how she went on to everyone who would listen to her about the first pie I ever made and how it was the "best rhubarb pie" she had ever eaten.  I'm sure some of that was because I was her special little girl, her first grand baby.  Not that I'm any more special than all those who came after me.  I'm sure she had a special relationship with each and every one of her grandchildren.

Weekend mornings hopping in my car and driving around the corner to have breakfast with her, going shopping with her, making cookies and teddy bears, watching the Guiding Light and having dinner together when we were both alone.    She had the most beautiful and kind heart and she didn't like to see anyone hurt.  Nanny put up with a lot of "crap" from family issues - and I certainly gave her my own dose of it - but she took me into her heart and home and would have done anything for me because of her wonderful unconditional love.

I wish she were here today.  She would know that Grumpy and I are now married as well as her first great-grandson, Justin.  At least she knew that Justin and Kristina were together before she passed.  Grumpy and I were preparing to tell people that we were engaged to get married and just a week before we were to announce our engagement, she passed away.  She never knew that Grumpy was going to remain a permanent fixture in my life.  We didn't get to tell her.  She would be happy to know that Grumpy and I are still happily together after 12 years of being together and going on 8 of them married.  My Nanny.  I still have my memories but I sure wish I could cuddle up next to her again and smell the Avon Rich Moisture cream she wore every single day.  I just want to be held by her and feel the comfort of her love.  I miss her so much.
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